i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question