Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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