And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
