ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
