and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
