I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
