I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
