Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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