GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
