I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
