I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
