Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
