I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
