You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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