that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
