I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize