This is not my ceiling
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Randomize
