He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
