I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
