The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
