Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
