I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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