Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
