conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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