I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
