I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
