He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
