if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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