My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
