I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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