She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
