Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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