We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
