Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
