Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
