Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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