i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
