Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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