Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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