no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
