It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So vagazzling was a success
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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