Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
