Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Shame - the story of my life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize