$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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