my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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