i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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