You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
