and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
