do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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