The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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