$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
