when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
