It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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