I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
