im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
