I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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