I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
