I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
