I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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