Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
